This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
It's Friday which means for the most part, people will be going out and enjoying themselves. We here at The Angi Taylor Show like to dunk on everyone and everything and so instead of celebratory fun to close out the week, we are looking at a social media post that gave a list of things that scream "I have no life." Luckily for you roadies, listening to the show, calling in and texting does not get you on that list. However, according to the post, these do:
- Nonstop complaining about other people. (Uh oh)
- Monitoring how often people are not working at their computer. (or when their in the bathroom or don't even bother coming in to work)
- Posting all your business on social media.
- Spending all day arguing with people on social media.
- Being way too invested in the lives of reality stars.
- Being invested in the royal family.
- Working tons of hours and actually enjoying it.
- Hanging out at work after you get off for the day.
Umm hmm, I have this feeling there's too many boxes checked off by Angi & Abe so let's go to the Request Line to see what the roadies had to add to the list. Bonnie said people in the homeowners association who are always monitoring everything so they can post about it. Ryan said people who play Pokemon Go clearly have no life. Mike said people who are obsessed with workouts/talking about their workouts when they are not professional athletes. Jo said sitting at work making fun of the security guard who fell asleep and then fell out of her chair. If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our FB group and read up or drop us a comment.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Finally, it wouldn't be a Friday morning on this show without some form of freak out, meltdown or general dread panic that death is coming for Angi & Abe. Now, I could understand the jitters as a new Scream movie comes out today but Angi is less afraid of Ghostface and more afraid of an unattended black duffel bag. That's right, for reasons we had yet to uncover by the show's end, somewhere between last night and this morning, a black duffel bag showed up in the hallway. No one has claimed it, no one is stupid enough to kick it (it could be a bomb after all) and so no one knows what's inside. It could be a bomb, a bag of guns, Todd the Taint's body (fingers crossed,) we have no idea. The worry comes from the fact that Angi & Abe were the only two who have come in so who knows how long this has been here and who put it there. Let's put it this way, if this was an airport, it would be a wrap right about now. Seeing as she was already on edge, it didn't help matters at all when Abe played an explosive noise in Angi's headphones that made her think an explosion did occur and she was so escalated, she needed to take a beta blocker. Just know that if these notes stop at some point unfinished, the bag exploded which means I went out to look and see if The Fred Show needed a scribe.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi became a weather woman after the rest were fired.
Choice: Jake had Angi decide to cover a tornado.
Seeing as the weather had been nuts as of late, Angi wanted to go out and cover a tornado. She figured she was never getting an award for her work in radio so perhaps this would finally give her the accolades she believed she deserved. Waiting until it was raining and windy out, Angi just assumed that it meant a tornado was coming so she rushed outside of the studio. What she did not anticipate though was that the weather outside was real and not some form of green screen. Unfortunately, Angi had picked a day when an actual tornado finally formed in downtown Chicago. Double unfortunate was her walking out of the building and right into the eye of the storm which was currently hovering over the weather building. Within seconds, Angi was picked up and spinning within the tornado. She reached the very top of it before she realized she had forgotten her microphone and the cameraman was impaled on an iron bar fence. The tornado had enough of Angi and tossed her outward, sending her flying into Lake Michigan. Though the splash down didn't kill her, it did alert her presence to Eric the Lake Michigan Freshwater Shark that had killed her twice before. Sensing that Angi was flailing around in the water, the shark swam over and began to chase her. Angi tried to outswim it but since she had quit her triathlon training, her swimming wasn't where it should have been. Eric the Shark leapt out of the water and fell down, mouth open, onto Angi. He proceeded to tear her to pieces, swallowing everything but her gimp t-rex arm, which repulsed him. (Dead)
Tue: Angi was excited for Omlette Day at work.
Choice: Mark had Angi decide to request a Denver omelette.
Seeing as it was a day of the week that ended with the word "day," iHeart decided to throw another themed meal in the iHeart building. It was Omelette Day and a Tuesday, which meant the lines were stretched through the building to get their hands on the liquid gold breakfast. Angi got in line and ordered up her Denver omelette, which she took and scurried away with as fast as possible, lest one of the vultures trip her and take it from her. Sitting down, Angi had just taken the first delicious bite when she heard a clamouring coming from down the hall. It was a bunch of strangers and they were absolutely enraged, apparently Big Papa had bought out all the eggs in the city. Irritated that they were not allowed the same breakfast as the iHeart crew, they lurched forward with tiki torches, pitchforks and broken off broomsticks. However, this was Trained Taylor that they decided to go against and Angi was ready for war. Picking up a bag of eggs from the table, Angi began pelting the eggs at the enraged horde. However, instead of coming at her with their weapons, the people decided to revolt and attack her with eggs as well. Angi took eggs to the face, the chest, one bounced off her t-rex arm and another smashed into her knee. Angi fell to the floor and it seemed one more shot was bound to take her out for good. However, just as she was about to be decimated, Rocky the Rooster fell through the roof on his motorcycle. He knew Angi was in trouble and he decided to save her, since she had always been so kind handling his $1,000 eggs. He pulled out several machine guns and started to mow down the angry mob who were stunned by the sight of the giant rooster attacking them. With everyone dead, Rocky joined Angi and the pair proceeded to eat what was left of her omelette. (Alive)
Wed: Todd the Taint decided that Angi needed to die.
Choice: Melissa had Angi decide to die by firing squad
In a "completely unheard of instance of overstepping," Todd the Taint decided to write the script for this day's edition of "Don't Kill Angi." Seeing as it was International Women's Day, he needed to find a way to stick it to the woman he hates the most. Right, with the backstory out of the way, let's get to the incredibly short version of today's game. Todd the Taint decided that Angi needed to die because she was a woman who spoke up far too much and made declarations about things that actually made sense. He offered her two options on how she was to meet her demise because that was his sense of generosity. Knowing that she was screwed either way, Angi decided to die by firing squad because at least she would go out with men firing all over her. Taken outside, Angi was placed up against the iHeart building, blindfolded and allowed one last box of wine and cigarette indulgence. As the squad lined up, Todd the Taint asked Angi if she had any last words. Before she could go on yet another diatribe about how women are mistreated though, he gave the signal and the squad shot her to death. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted to start a bottomless male maid business.
Choice: Jack had Angi decide to recruit Conrad Cooper.
Angi's business idea wheel turned furiously at the thought of making money and so she put out a recruitment for bottomless models. It made sense to work through the iHeart men as they could easily use the extra cash and she would have a stock of men ready to go. Unfortunately, the only person who actually showed up was Conrad Cooper but Angi was desperate to get started so she allowed him in. Within seconds, Conrad started rattling off his catchphrases like "Hey, not bad" and "Ben and Stimpy" to which Angi couldn't be bothered to acknowledge. Sitting back in her chair, Angi waved her hand for him to start and Conrad unzipped his pants to give Angi a sneak peek of the goods. After getting a glimpse of the literal peanut, Angi started to laugh. Conrad didn't seem phased though as Todd the Taint used to do the same thing all the time as well. Angi could not contain herself though and the laughter started to become even harder. In fact, she was in absolute hysterics and Angi was clutching at her stomach. She couldn't believe it, it was so tiny and yet, that only made it funnier. Angi laughed so hard that she barreled over in the chair and hit the floor, laughing so hard she could barely breathe. He was hung like a tic tac and this thought was the final nail in her laughter coffin as she laughed one more time so hard that she suffered an aneurysm and died from her laughter. (Dead)
Fri: Angi had to dye the river green.
Choice: Elizabeth had Angi decide to throw a huge bag of weed into the river to dye it green.
For reasons that defy logic, Angi was asked to help dye the Chicago River green. Seeing as she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, Angi thought up two different ways to make this happen. The first involved her chopping up legendary puppet Kermit the Frog, which she assumed would turn the river green if she threw him in. The other was taking her garbage bag full of weed and using that to dye the river. Mind you, both of these options defy absolute logic but whatever, she rolled with it. Weighing the options, Angi ended up throwing in her garbage bag of weed into the river. While marveling at how doing this did not turn the water green, Angi heard a car roll up behind her. Out stepped Miss Piggy, who was furious that Angi had killed Kermit, cremated him and was now holding the ashes in a Wendy's bag. Ironically, Miss Piggy was also mad that Angi had wasted weed. With steam pouring out of her ears and her fists balled up, Miss Piggy charged forward and threw Angi into the river. After she finally hit the water, Angi yelled back up at Miss Piggy. "Jokes on you bitch, I can swim and just get out!" However, as Angi sat there treading water, Angi heard a familiar sound. It was the theme from Jaws which meant the impossible was occurring. Eric the Lake Michigan Freshwater Shark, who had killed her three times before was in the river with her as well. Why he was there was not a question she had time to ponder as Eric the Shark circled around her for a moment before diving up and falling down mouth open on her. He tore her to pieces once more but this time, he threw her disgusting gimp t-rex arm to Miss Piggy as a souvenir. (Dead)
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Angi (Streak: 2)
Angi's (repping Otis) Song Choice: "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine
Abe's (repping Rachel) Song Choice: "I Was Made for Lovin' You" by KIϟϟ
Smack Talk Recap:
Rachel is buying KIϟϟ tickets today. Angi loves Rage, "Bulls on Parade" and it is a perfect Friday song. You could love or you could rage this morning.
10 O' Clock Toast:
2 Girls in a Threesome.
Down in Florida (shocker,) a pair of girls went home with a guy with a promise of a threesome and proceeded to rob him and steal his gun among other things. Please note, do not take Abe's advice and hold a gun to a hookers head. Also, we looked at how legal prostitution works and realized we didn't know anything (duh.)
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"And then I heard they (Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas A. Watson) had sex, right on top of the phone." - Abe
"He's (Jay the Straight) got a real sweet one for her (Taylor.) He calls her his chicken choker, weed smoker, clown car vagina, gas bag, hoe cake with sprinkles on top." - Minn Barb