Photo: Flickr RF
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
Over the weekend (aka yesterday,) Angi almost died but instead of beating that hilarious nonsense to death by discussing in this wordy chunk and the one below it, let's just cut to the chase. Her near death experience got her thinking about when she's dead and the specific requirements that will be laid out when she's about to be dumped in the ground (off the side of a highway.) First off, there shall be no body, the moment her meat sac gives way, she wants to be tossed into a fire. Those ashes will then be split between Jay the Straight, Abe and myself though Jay the Straight's 24 year old big titted blond girlfriend will probably throw them out. However, in place of the locked and sealed coffin that Abe will be attacked if he tries to open, will be a picture of her from 1997. In her mind, that was her at her best though honestly, we're thinking we should just use her mug shot for the side by the coffin pic. Anyway, this morbid talk made her mention things that people have been buried with. For example, a watch given by their father, wedding photos, letters, pictures, betting slips, alcohol have all found their way in. My best friend was buried with a Cubs hat among other things that he was so fond of. It was the guy though who was buried with his pager from the 90's because he had been hit up by so many bitches was the real cake taker for her. Before we went to the Request Line to hear what the roadies want in their overpriced end box, Angi pressed Abe for his. He apparently has a Starting Line Jim McMahon action figure that he has had in every car he has ever owned. Hell, someone once broke into his car and even threw the thing in the back seat. The reason is painfully obvious even if Abe didn't realize it, the stupid thing is clearly cursed. Bears losses all this time can be attributed to that and won't stop until it is buried under the ground. Right then, to the roadies we go. Nicole wants to be buried with her dog's ashes though she added she essentially wants all her dogs' stuff in the coffin. Luke had an uncle who was a cop that was buried with a box of doughnuts, a box of Playboys and his service issue revolver. A friend of Angi's mom wanted to be buried with a cell phone in case she woke up. Eli wants to be buried with a double bladed ax and handle that was passed down from his great grandfather. Some monster let their 10 year old named Andrew call to say he wanted to be buried with the bunny (Harvey) his grandma gave him when he was born. Jim called to contribute but got confused or something. As for myself, I want to be buried inside of a giant Captain Morgan White bottle, like those model ships only it's my dead ass stuffed inside and then set adrift on the sea. If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our socials (FB group, Twitter, Instagram) and read up or drop us a comment.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Right then, with the main point established, let's rewind for a moment. The weekend is gone once again and we start the week anew. We're counting the days until winter vacation and so obviously, tons of exciting things were done by Angi & Abe to prepare for that, right? I mean, you should know by the build up that the answer is no but hey, it got you thinking for a moment. For example, there was a long pause where both pondered out loud what they had done on Friday because neither could remember. It turned out that Abe had gone and played disc golf with his brother and sucked at it. I'm assuming this was what led to him wanting to forget that it happened. As for Angi, she went to watch Serbia lose in the World Cup at a bar but she still has a Croatia game to jinx before she completely loses interest. However, it was yesterday that she really excelled in doing something nonsensical (yet totally par for course from her.) While celebrating "Wine o' Clock" which apparently is 10 A.M., Angi was knee deep in football when she started chugging from the bottle. I'm assuming that there was a bottle chug because how else does one explain away how what occurred next actually happened. You see, Angi somehow accidentally drank some of the foil from the bottle and it was lodged behind her tonsil. She was going to live and let it go but the mind was immediately at work. What if she swallowed it and it went on to destroy her windpipe? To alleviate irrational fear, she knew it had to be removed. Her initial attempt trying to gag herself but anyone who knows her well knows that she has no gag reflex so that was pointless. Plus she would have vomited everyone and then she'd have to get up to clean it up. Instead, she just coughed herself stupid and it eventually came free. This woman is hell bent on dying I swear but we are not done with her just yet.
Moving right along, as most people here in the city who watch the news (or go outside for that matter) know that carjacking is a huge problem here in the city. This is something you should keep in mind if you intend to buy a Hyundai, BMW or Mercedes as those are the 3 most likely to get carjacked. That said, 2/3's of people carry something in their car to defend themselves in case things go down. This isn't an Angi & Abe thing because we know they would give up their cars and everything else to keep harm from coming to them. However, even though they don't plan on fighting back, the other roadies might. We posed a question earlier in the morning to see what the roadies keep in their car to stay safe. It should be noted that only 4% of people will ever have to use their weapon of choice so you shouldn't worry too much. We started with Robert, who keeps an old school police billy club between the driver seat and the center console. Since he's from the South Side, he's definitely had an attempted carjacking happen and has used the club to repel the attacker. On hearing about this, Abe said that he would like to get his hands on a slapjack. Angi had initially never heard about what it was and she in turn wanted one after it. Head Roadie Troy has a pepper ball launcher that looks like a paintball, is fired from a CO2 powered gun and when it breaks just messes you up. He keeps this in his door panel. Joe keeps a can of wasp spray under his front seat since it sprays 12 feet, is foamy and he assumes it would burn their eyes.
Finally, down in Miami at Art Basel (which for those who are not in the know is a massive art installation where rich weirdos and celebs go to show off,) there was a special ATM game installed while it was running. The thing had a large leaderboard on top of it and showed off not only the balance of the account that was withdrawing money but also a picture of the person. The more money you have, the higher on the list you go. It was essentially an upgraded arcade game for the wealthy to show us how much better they are than us common poor trash. Angi was not into all of this and felt like the whole thing should be illegal. The idea is essentially for a one up and could also be wisely used for someone to rob that person or to show the gold digger that you're worth the squeeze. Abe was kind of into it and Angi explained how one time, a guy gave her his number on the back of an ATM receipt. I mean, he probably assumed a big bank would impress the obvious hooker but the thing was, she discovered that receipts can be faked online. Instead of getting her all horned up and wanting to bone, she instead felt like he was a poser. In the end, mostly only rich people showed off but let's just say that if they were trying to compare to someone like Jay Z, they probably looked stupid. Then again, we just assume that he carries around suitcases of gold bars and not cash.
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Angi (Streak: 3)
Angi's (repping Killa) Song Choice: "A Favor House Atlantic" by Coheed & Cambria
Abe's (repping Oliver) Song Choice: "Metal Health" by Quiet Riot
Smack Talk Recap:
Well, in a thing that never EVER happens, Oliver's pick knocked Abe's socks off. Angi picked her song as a favor for Killa because she doesn't know Coheed. Angi also complained that Abe has picked "Metal Health" eight times (he's only done it once, I checked for them.) A discussion on Footloose occurred to close it out.
Winner: Abe
10 O'Clock Toast:
Rotten Ass Kids.
Angi wanted to do something nice for an at need kid but their lists are ridiculous. We went over what we wanted and never got as kids including Angi's Easy Bake Oven, Abe's GI Joe Fridge action figure and my Castle Greyskull.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"See we're not animals in the mayo community. We don't do that, drinking the mayo, bathing in it...." - Abe
Best Bet of the Week (Week 12 Results): Abe Wins!