Abe

Abe

Abe Kanan was born and raised on the south side of Chicago and grew up hanging out at Metro, Aragon, Riv, and all of Chicago’s music venues, checking...Full Bio

 

Exploring Some of Chicago's Biggest Holes - ATS - 6.21.24

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Photo: NOPPAKHOON2016 / iStock / Getty Images

This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.

Call in Point:

(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)

Oh Yes, Chainsaw Friyay is here once more and that means you survived a week in the heat dome. This isn't really an accomplishment but more of a notice that you've been suffering in this disgusting wave of overcooked misery for far too long. Speaking of suffering, Angi's wallet was yesterday which caused her to issue a PSA this morning. If you get a brand new dog or cat, please check into getting pet insurance. If you listened early this week, Angi explained how her dog had diarrhea in her air vents at home. Well, because when it rains, it pours (in this instance, this is not the kind of rain you want,) now her other dog has joined in on the chocolate rain pain train. With two sick dogs and floors being covered enough to eventually tank the resale value, Angi took both pooches to the vet. After running some blood tests on the old lady ... they then got to work on Angi's dogs (zing!) The frenchie has a cloudy white eye which means there is fluid in it and she has a hemorrhage in the eye as well so she is currently fitted with the cone of shame (not to be confused with the walk of shame which Angi takes home from Liquor Barn every afternoon.) After that, she needed to get meds, special GI tract food, pills and drops. When she went to check out, she heard that phrase no one wants to hear in a doctors office (no, not "oh, you were with Angi Taylor, take a seat") "wow, that was some appointment." This was stated because Angi's bill turned out to be $565 out of pocket for as she put it "some drops and food." Marris, hater of dogs and anything cute, suggested Angi just leave the front door open and the dogs would wander off. Of course, he added that the dogs are basically blind so that wouldn't help all that much. Angi further added to her misery tale about how even when the dogs do go outside, it can't be picked up because splatter. The point of all this was to showcase the sticker shock Angi had when it came to vet bills. She wishes she had thought to go the insurance route as the dogs are almost as old as she is now so it won't be something a company would probably get behind. Marris though, might be onto something with owning Syphilis as she sits in her cage and does her own thing. She'll live 10 to 15 years and have a pretty good life. She's also pretty self-sufficient and will have a reptile handler friend tending to her while Marris is in Africa for two weeks. Angi offered to do it but after telling a story on how she once got in trouble for feeding a giraffe Doritos and then offered to feed Syphilis french fries, Marris clearly knew not to let that drunk woman into his condo.

Other Stuff from Today's Show

What's this, a Daily Discussion Topic on a Friday?, what a treat. We have San Francisco to thank for that (not to be confused with a San Diego Thank You which you probably shouldn't Google at work.) Anyway, they put up a billboard that said "San Francisco. Hey, it's not so hot here!" Marris was confused by the bare bones treatment but as Angi explained, it is always 65 there all the time and pretty pleasant. Now, living there might cost you an arm and a leg but for a visit or vacation, it's great. The thing is, cooler summers are not necessarily anything new and even Mark Twain was quoted as saying "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." Ironically, like much of the things we tell you on this show, that was apparently not said by him so you know, ignore that. Because we found this to be an interesting slogan and way to advertise the city, Angi sought to hear what the Chicago tourism slogan should be. Marris immediately jumped in with "Chicago: We Got the Foods." This was amended to "Chicago: We Got the Meats" because people love to hear Marris talk about meat. Another example: "Chicago: Dress Like a Bear, Act Like a Bear, Eat Like a Bear." I came up with the too easy not to use "Chicago: Home of the Gaping Holes - Pot Hole, Rat Hole, Angi Taylor." With our nonsense done, let's see what the roadies had to say on the Request Line. Vicky said "Chicago: Summertime Meat Sweats" (clever) Head Roadie Frankie said "Chicago: Come See the World's Biggest Willy (The Willis Tower.)" Eric said "Chicago: The 3 D's - Deep Lake, Deep Dish, Downtown." Angi added that you could throw in DP and make it more exciting. Rick picked "Chicago: Come to Chicago and Chicago Will Come to You." Nick said "Chicago: The City That Works Hard and Plays Hard." Dorothy capped it with "Chicago: LSD in the City." If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.

Lastly, we have sports predictions to bring our day to a close. Connor Orr, a writer for Sports Illustrated had 100 predictions for the upcoming NFL season and here are a few.

- The Lions will beat The Bengals in the Superbowl. (Marris called this an early jinx)

- By season's end, there will be 7 head coach vacancies.

- Taylor and Travis will not get engaged.

- Joe Burrow will win MVP.

- Caleb Williams will have the same number of touchdowns (26) as Peyton Manning.

- Justin Fields will get 5 touchdowns not as a quarterback.

- The Browns will be cursed by failure to respect the greatest generation.

- The ref crisis will come to a head this year.

- Tom Brady will accidentally say "shi...." on air.

- TJ Watt will be defensive player of the year."

- Jason Kelce will join the Eagles coaching staff.

Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap

Mon: Angi wanted to find a way to cool down

Choice: Al had Angi decide to take a dip in Buckingham Fountain.

Result: With a disgusting heat wave absolutely cooking the city, Angi decided she needed to do something to beat the heat. Knowing better than to get into the lake due to freshwater sharks, Angi instead decided to go play in Buckingham Fountain. Even though she probably shouldn't do it due to rules and restrictions, Angi figured she was above the rules and so she jumped in and started splashing around. The cold water was refreshing and her acting silly inspired some kids to run over and join in with her. It seemed like everyone was going to have a good time but then Angi noticed something. The freezing water sensation was suddenly replaced by warmth all around her ankles. It turned out all the gross little brats who joined her were peeing in the fountain. Disgusted, Angi jumped out and in her rage, ran over to a hot dog vendor. She grabbed a handful of his hot dogs and began throwing them at the kids in the fountain for ruining her day. It seemed though that stealing from this vendor was not the move as he too got mad and charged into Angi with his cart, knocking her to the floor. Before she could get back up, he ran over Angi with the cart and caused all of her brittle bones to shatter and pierce through her heart. (Dead)

Tue: Angi wanted to get her hair done

Choice: Austin had Angi decide to get her hair done by Southpaw

Result: After realizing her grays were scaring away everyone she encountered, including the pigeons next door, Angi decided she needed to get her hair done. However, due to it being at the last moment, Angi had to look elsewhere to get the job done. That search brought her to Southpawn, the White Sox mascot, who for some reason agreed to clean Angi up. Even better, he made house calls so within the hour, he arrived at Angi's front door. Angi carefully explained to the wacky mascot she wanted a root fill with color and no cut. Surprisingly, the mascot understood and got to work at once, doing a pretty good job. However, Angi was insatiable as always and her weird mascot fetish found itself being triggered as her hair got played with. The flirting continued to the point of being too much but when she got up and invited Southpaw to the bedroom, things went a bit south. After entering the room, Angi slipped off her robe and said "like what you see." Uncomfortable and noticing that the closet door was open, Southpaw kicked Angi into it, sending her tumbling backwards into the portal to hell that was in the floor of the closet. (Dead)

Wed: The Angi Taylor Show celebrated Juneteenth

Choice: N/A

Result: Like most people who have a job that recognizes federal holidays, Angi and her crew of misfit toys took the day off to observe Juneteenth. Did she spend that time off drunk on the couch watching documentaries? Probably. It was a day that ended in day after all. (N/A)

Thur: Angi wanted to sing karaoke

Choice: Mickey had Angi decide to sing don't stop believing

Result: After reading about the Florida man who absolutely bombed at karaoke, Angi decided that she could do better overall and wanted to give it a go. After pulling up to a bar that was loaded with people for an open mic night karaoke night, Angi entered and immediately nerves took hold. To alleviate this, she slammed tons of brown liquor shots to get the proper courage she needed so badly. Sauced to the gills, Angi finally got up in front of everyone and started singing "Don't Stop Believing." It was a performance that needed to be seen to be believed as she belted out the tune. In the audience, people were booing, dogs were barking down the block and overall, it was pretty bad. After thirty seconds of the messy performance, someone ran onstage and tried to take the mic but Angi was not having it. Annoyed, another person in the crowd jumped on the stage but instead grabbed the microphone wire. Sick of her singing, the patron wrapped the wire around Angi's neck and strangled her until the singing finally stopped. (Dead)

Fri: Angi wanted to get a new pet

Choice: Marty had Angi decide to get a goldfish.

Result: Angi was flabbergasted by the fact that her dog vet bill was so expensive and it caused her to decide to get a new, lower maintenance pet. Opting for as bottom of the barrel as she could, Angi ended up getting a goldfish. After picking it up from the pet store, Angi took the fish home and dropped it into the cheap tank she got from the store. However, in her shopping haste, she had forgotten to buy fish food and so she needed a quick option. However, the only thing in the house was wine and dog food and so the latter ended up in the fish bowl. The fish actually seemed to enjoy the dog food but that delight lasted half a minute as it suddenly flipped over and died. Annoyed, Angi decided to give it a proper toilet funeral and so she took the bowl to the other bowl and dumped it in. However, after doing so, Angi heard a familiar sound along with the flushing. It was Bill, the tap water toilet shark and he was pissed. "You idiot, you killed one of my ocean brethren!" Without giving her a moment to explain that goldfish die in like ten seconds all the time, the shark jumped out of the toilet and bit Angi in half. (Dead)

Request Wars 3.5

Theme: A Song That Reminds You of Each Other

Current Champion: Marris (2x)

Angi's Song Choice: “Numb/Encore" by Linkin Park & Jay-Z

Marris' Song Choice: "I Am the Fire" by Halestorm

Winner: Marris

10 O' Clock Toast:

Toastee: HP

Our lovely intern HP just graduated from Northwestern with a double masters and straight A's. Whereas internships in radio don't really exist anymore, we partnered with Northwestern to bring this baddie aboard and we're never letting her leave Angi's clown car.

Show Quotes and Tidbits:

"Does she (Syphilis) like french fries, doritos?" - Angi

"She (Angi) lets people shoot fireworks out of her ass." - Minn Barb