Abe

Abe

Abe Kanan was born and raised on the south side of Chicago and grew up hanging out at Metro, Aragon, Riv, and all of Chicago’s music venues, checking...Full Bio

 

It's Been 6 Years... - ATS - 6.7.24

Audio Equipment

Photo: eyenigelen / E+ / Getty Images

This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.

Call in Point:

(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)

It's Chainsaw Friyay once again and all that good stuff but roadies, we have something we need to discuss. Something so insane, so ridiculous, so bonkers nuts happened this morning that I don't even have it in my notes. I know I say listen to the podcast but you really need to go listen to the podcast this morning because Angi offered up something so batish, the last two hours of the show were a literal train smashed into a wall. You see, Angi was having issues with her computer not fully charging and it turned out the reason for this is because she didn't know you can turn your computer off. After owning a laptop for six years, she has never turned the thing off. Let me reiterate that, SHE HAS NEVER TURNED HER LAPTOP OFF! The reason, she just assumed closing the lid shut it down, she didn't realize there was a power off button on it. Y'all, the drinks are going to be flowing as soon as this show ends this morning because this might be the thing that breaks all of us on the show. As I said, there is more nonsense to be explored in this gemstone laden mindfield of absolute stupidity but go listen to the pod because I did not expect it to occur so I didn't make a note of it fully and honestly, notes would never do the unfolding in real time justice. Right, back to our regularly scheduled note nonsense (if I can actually properly function and write these notes.) This morning, another meeting of the Angi Has An Issue committee was convened so Angi could file a complaint against cab drivers. Apparently, her ire lies in that the drivers refuse to take local fares anymore and only want to drive people to O'Hare. If you listened earlier in the week, you would know that Angi lost yet another tire to the dreaded pot hole monster and so she decided to take a cab yesterday since there were several lined up outside the hotel next door. After all, she likes taking cabs over Ubers and so when she tried to get in the first one and said West Side, the guy slammed the door in her face. The same happened with a second one behind it because apparently a 20 minute ride was not worth losing their place in the queue to take people to O'Hare. It was made a point that it's illegal and they can't say no but as you should know by now in this city, no one cares about the rules. As for those airport rides, they cost an arm and a leg which is why the cabs prefer them to Driving Miss Taylor home. Once rejected by both, Angi called an Uber instead and then used her powerful platform to tell cab drivers to F off and compliment Uber for gladly taking her Angi Taylor Money.

Other Stuff from Today's Show

In what was going to be my original main point, Angi gave us yet another reason to hate young people this morning. Apparently they are suffering from Telephonophobia, which is the fear of making phone calls. While most people are suffering from Zoom fatigue, those under 30 would rather be face to screen then use their voices for the intended purpose. Apparently, us older people are more relaxed when it comes to having no one look at us as opposed to kids who freak out when a call comes through. It is apparently so bad, one 26 year old has to listen to music to hype herself up to get on the phone. There's an anxiety in the lack of seeing a face because they can't tell if a tone is correct or portrays what they are trying to convey with just the sound of their voice (which sounds completely nuts to me but then again, texts are terrible at this as well so I get it.) Funny enough, in texts they are more prone to using emojis to convey points because it allows the other end to know how they truly feel. As Angi pointed out, these young people would absolutely hate Marris as he is the driest texter around. To showcase that inflection in tone can allow people to think you are smiling or mad, Angi gave a demonstration on air (yet another reason to listen to the pod.) She explained that inflection is just a real life emoji and they can practice it in a mirror or through calls with friends. That point was a trigger about a question of whether or not anyone under 30 calls their friends. We turned to HP and she said that she Facetimes so I'm assuming that is a no but she said she would not be anxious to make a call. Marris and Angi are open to calls though and more so for Angi if something juicy is in the pipeline. Another issue is that younger people do not know how to end a call and that also makes sense because some of the people we know make a finish turn into an hour. You say "goodbye, gotta go, okay cool, later" and then the call goes on for yet another hour. You should be able to read the room and be ready to let the call end when the feeling arises. Of course, a Midwest goodbye (as showcased a second ago) is way too prevalent so maybe these youngins are on to something.

Next up, Angi pulled a story that is making the rounds currently and may split thoughts between others down the middle. If you go to a concert, should the artist you are seeing be obligated to play their hit songs? Like, if you go see your favorite band, would you be disappointed if they only played their new album. Someone that does not care if you're upset by this is Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan. He feels that he's not obligated to play his hits and he can play whatever he wants. If he doesn't feel like playing a certain song that night, he won't. For example, if Angi went to the show and there was no "Bullet with Butterfly Wings," "Zero" and "1979" being played, she would be pretty pissed. Marris gets the concept but at the same time, with some albums you gotta hear certain tracks live to really appreciate them. When you actually hear everything that isn't just a hit, it sets a different tone overall for those tracks. Though Marris got on with the Angi train by saying that if you're ramming new tracks down his throat, throw a little sugar on it as well. For example, Angi is the world's biggest Prince fan and when she went to his United Center show and it was him and back up singers or 3RD Eye Girl, she wanted to hear "Purple Rain." Marris actually felt for the artist and understood from the perspective of the artist because you have one song that you hate and you have to play it. Coming up with an album should be fun as should playing it so why should the artist suffer the whims of the public. Radio plays the hits though and for that reason, people are kind of trained to want the hits. However, if you do a concept album and want to play that, do that as well, as long as you sneak in a few well known songs.

Finally, are you someone who loves cash but finds some places no longer want to deal with paper money. There's good news on the way for you as digital debit cards are now a thing and they kind of work like a reverse ATM. You take your cash, stick it in and get a burner debit card. Instead of having traceable ways back to you, you can now buy your drugs with a card yo! Obviously, there is a transaction fee deducted when used but it is worth it when you encounter a place that has no cash at all. They are being tested at Yankee Stadium which is all card only and some people are not too happy like the older folks, people of lower income and young people (damn kids.) While Angi thinks the idea is great, Marris knows some mom and pop shops prefer cash so they don't have to pay card fees. Another place that is just cash is the dispensary which you should probably hit up before you go see Angi at her appearance tonight! (Boom, nailed it!)

Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap

Mon: Angi wanted to learn a life skill

Choice: Victor had Angi decide to learn how to drive stick.

Result: With a lifetime of skills banked, there was still more room for Angi to learn something that she did not know. This became apparent when after doing the show and going over life skills everyone should have, Angi wanted to add to her arsenal. One of the things she had never figured out was how to drive stick and so this became her goal. Even though she got her hands on an old Mustang, Angi was not too keen on the idea once it became apparent she would need to follow through. In fact, she was downright annoyed once she entered the car and simply didn't understand the need to learn it. After all, she had a husband, why couldn't she just not have him do it for her. However, since the car was there already, she decided to go along with it. Getting in the car, Angi drove off and was casually handling the stick when she heard her phone go off several times. It was a text from Liquor Barn alerting her to a massive wine sale so she couldn't help but sneak a peek at the text. Unfortunately, as she was looking down at the phone, Angi did not see the CTA bus that pulled out in front of her. Her Mustang drove straight into it, sending Angi through the windshield and under the wheels of the bus as it drove over her. (Dead)

Tue: Angi wanted to play with the Chicago Sky

Choice: Butch had Angi decide to play against the Atlanta Dream.

Result: Figuring that the WNBA needed to toughen up a bit, Angi decided to bring her own brand of street hustle to the Chicago Sky. Suited up in a custom pair of Gucci shorts and Rock 95.5 emblazoned jersey with a pair of brass knuckles slid on her fingers, Angi took to the court. She immediately started guarding girls which was smart because Angi sucked so much that she missed every shot she took. It seemed thogh that her being there would end up paying off as a player on the Atlanta Dream shoved Angel Reese to the ground and started kicking her. Seeing red, Angi ran over and started pounding the other player with her brass knuckles. Beaten to a bloody pulp, a triumph Angi stood over the defeated player and had impressed the coach so much, he ran over and immediately made Angi an offer to join the team full time. Angi considered it for a moment and then asked "how much does it pay?" The coach responded "$64,000." This was not the answer she wanted to hear because it felt like a low blow and so Angi then started beating the coach with her brass knuckles. With a player and the coach both down, Angi decided to take her leave and retire because there was no way she was doing the job for less than Angi Taylor money. (Alive)

Wed: Angi wanted to fill potholes

Choice: Andrew had Angi decide to fill the potholes with Malört.

Result: Using an idea that seemed completely illogical and useless, Angi found herself to go around and fill potholes on Western with Malört. She assumed that the disgusting drink would somehow form into some type of cement and keep anyone else from suffering the same fate she continued to, which was tires destroyed by any and all potholes. Grabbing a bucket of Malört and a small sand shovel, Angi went up and down Western until every hole was filled. Proud of herself, Angi took a moment to stand back and admire all the work she had done. As she did this, the Rock 95.5 truck came barreling down the street. It had been busy hiding the Big Foot for Klinger's Bigfoot promotion and needed to be returned to the station. Angi saw this and then realized it was going to drive over one of her filled potholes, which thrilled her because she would see if the solution worked. Going over the hole though did exactly as expected, forcing the truck to dip into the hole and come back up again. However, the speed and the force of the hole caused the tire to break completely off the truck and go flying. It ended up straight in Angi's direction and smashed into her which tore her head clean off. (Dead)

 

Thur: Angi wanted to get rid of the Ravinia cicadas

Choice: Brett had Angi decide to use a flamethrower to get rid of the cicadas.

Result: Seeing as Marris did nothing to stop the impending cicada invasion even though he had talked a big game, Angi decided to finally step up and solve the issue. First on her agenda sheet was helping out Ravinia whose yearly festival was looking to be surrounded with issues due to the cicada infestation. Loading a flamethrower into her car, Angi drove to Ravinia and was shocked to discover how loud the cicadas actually were. It was almost like Lord of the Flies (I still don't get how this reference worked) and there were so many of them, Angi could barely see. Unpacking the flame thrower from the car and strapping it to her back, Angi got to work on the hoard. Without any care, Angi lit every single cicada ablaze and as part of collateral damage, she also lit the grass and sidewalks on fire. Not satisfied with the initial burn, Angi then turned her attention to the trees and lit them on fire. When it was all said and done, the entire scene looked like Chernobyl. Even though Angi had destroyed the cicada army, she also destroyed most of the venue. As punishment for being so reckless, Angi was then forced to sit through the entire James Taylor concert. (Alive)

Fri: Angi wanted to set off fireworks for Chicagoans.

Choice: Nikki had Angi decide to set off titty sparklers.

Result: After trekking to Indiana to get all the fireworks she could afford on the iHeart company card, Angi loaded up the Rock 95.5 truck and made her way to Navy Pier. Her appearance came as a surprise but more so because no one actually expected to see fireworks since the city mysteriously canceled the yearly show. As millions of people awaited to see what would come of the massive fiery send off from the back of the truck, Angi started off small and sent some colorful lights into the sky. One by one the explosions got more colorful and the audience was stunned and basically eating out of the palm of her hand. It was then that she decided to break out the titty sparklers, knowing the flaming show would send the crowd over the edge. Donning the wire and fire bra, Angi lit them up and it was all going well until one of the cones lopsided and started firing onto her. Within seconds Angi was set ablaze and as the onlookers watched, Angi burned to nothing more than ash while yelling "Gucci!" (Dead)

Request Wars 3.5

Theme: Favorite Kick in the Crotch Songs

Current Champion: Angi (11x)

Angi's Song Choice: “Am I Evil?" by Metallica

Marris' Song Choice: "Black" by Sevendust

Winner: Angi

10 O' Clock Toast:

Toastee: Plankton

The Spongebob Squarepants main baddie is getting his own movie on Nickelodeon soon and after singing along to the theme song, Angi revealed all the dirty little innuendos that are hidden in the show like The Chum Bucket....

Show Quotes and Tidbits:

"When you (Angi) were using the NASA computers with MS-DOS, you had to shut it off." - Marris

"Avoid the thiristest move of all. Don't you dare give money to Trashbag Taylor when see her holding a sign on the bridge that says "need money for Caltrex." iHeart has an STD health plan and she'll survive." - Minn Barb