Photo: Flickr RF
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed
Huzzah, Chainsaw Friday is here and we might all get to go out and celebrate that momentous occasion of being off for the next two days if we all don't die today during the massive stormapalooza that has been forecast for today. This surefire death sentence that may or may not happen depending on the whims of the weather but if we don't die, let's think about wealth. Obviously, there are clear signs when someone is rich and those who flaunt that wealth tend to be hated (and usually for good reason.) However, Angi showcased this morning that we may need to start taking closer looks at people because there are actually some pretty subtle signs that someone is rich that we may be overlooking. For example, the super rich will wear nice clothing but not have it covered in branding (like Gucci and D&G plastered all over it.) They happen to have expensive hobbies like sailing, horsing and playing golf (wait a second, doesn't Jay the Straight golf like every other day!) They have a minimalist style and the decor in their homes showcases that. This clearly is silly because Abe is a minimalist and he's poor (or is he....) They are entirely selective in their friend groups for legal reasons. In other words, Tekashi69 is not on their Top 10 Myspace friend list. They have teeth that don't look like wooden slats of mess. The quality of food they eat is nice like $19 smoothies and steak dinners every night. You spend your extra time in another place during different seasons like France or Greece. Then again, if you have more than one home, you're probably rich. However, the biggest sign seems to be that their couches don't touch the walls of their house. We assume this means that they have like extra space to work with to space out furniture. Funny enough, Abe's couches don't touch the walls and suddenly I feel an urge to go snoop around his place. Not on the list but included anyway were signs according to Angi like if their house has a circular driveway, pillars holding it up or there are lion statues out front. They go to the grocery store and just buy things without looking at the price. As for Abe, he said if you don't know when you get paid, you're rich. Alleged poor people like him know exactly when that check deposit is going to hit. Lastly, Angi said a watch on a guy can also speak volumes to wealth as the better the watch, the wealthier he is.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Finally, as it sometimes goes on a Friday show, there wasn't much else to add today. Between chainsaws, The Ticket Fairy working overtime, letting Minn Barb in the building (I'm still waiting for Angi to fist fight her myself,) and all the other nonsense, there simply wasn't room for much else to occur today. We did pick up a new Head Roadie but it's Friday and we're all going to be killed by tornados today so consider this light reading while you're flying through the clouds on your way to Iowa.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi wanted to use a Monopoly piece to get out of a ticket
Choice: Anthony had Angi decide to use Abe's favorite piece, the top hat, to get out of her ticket.
In another experiment on how far reality can be bent, Angi was coerced into trying out yet another Abe scheme. After leaving work for the day, Angi hopped into her car and sped away from the iHeart building. Acting like she was trying out for the upcoming NASCAR races, Angi dodged and weaved in and out of traffic while speeding. All of this nonsense finally caught the eye of a police officer, who had been sleeping in his car to increase his overtime hours. He sprung awake and began to chase after Angi's car, ready to make his due by giving her a thousand tickets and citations. After turning on his lights, Angi finally pulled over and waited for him to come to her car. While he approached cautiously, Angi prepared her license and registration along with the top hat piece from a freshly opened copy of Monopoly. The officer tapped on the window and Angi rolled it down. "Do you know how fast you were going?" he asked, looking inside Angi's car. "I can't drive 55," she responded, attempting to be funny. "License and registration," the officer demanded, which Angi handed over along with the piece. However, the officer listened to the show and knew about the debate Angi & Abe had on air. Seeing the top hat handed over enraged him though, as it turned out, he was a lover of the shoe. This anger caused him to take his own shoe off, which was a steel toe boot tipped with metal spikes. The officer yanked Angi out of the car and proceeded to beat her with the shoe. It was truly police brutality at its finest. While someone filming in the background yelled "Worldstar!," the cop pummeled Angi to a bloody pulp with the shoe. (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted to sneak something through TSA
Choice: Christina had Angi decide to sneak a catalytic converter through TSA.
Emboldened by hearing stories of sneaking things on planes (uh oh,) Angi wanted to be naughty and do the same. There was an entire table worth of things she could stuff or pack away to choose from including a banana, some rope, a candlestick, a half full glass and a catalytic converter. Always up for a challenge, Angi chose the converter and considered where to stuff it. She ended up strapping it down to her chest with some tape and made her way to the airport. As she walked through, she felt excitement that she hadn't felt since the last time she did hard drugs. Stepping into a line, all she had to do was wait to see if she would get away with the challenge. This ended up taking longer as expected because everyone was on lunch and the line extended through the entire airport. Four hours passed and Angi was finally up to be scanned over by a TSA agent. He gave her a quick glance over, consulted his "No Fly List" wall of shame for her picture and let her through without a pat down, much to her chagrin. As she walked past, Angi couldn't believe it had actually worked, she snuck a catalytic converter past TSA. However, as she walked forward, she bumped into Cujo, the drug sniffing dog. As also learned on this day, Angi can't help but pet any dog she sees. Her inability to not pet the dog should have worked against her but as she pet Cujo, he smelled something on her. It was not the catalytic converter or the pound of weed she had stashed in her pocket but Angi herself that alerted his scent. See, Angi didn't realize that Cujo and his drug sniffing dog friends were trained on the smell of known drug abuser Angi Taylor herself. Breaking free from his restraints, Cujo jumped on Angi and was joined by all his dog friends. They proceeded to bite and maul her until she was nothing more than pieces of flesh and bone. (Dead)
Wed: Angi was inspired to renew her wedding vows
Choice: Cara had Angi decide to add Jay the Straight is only allowed to watch wrestling once a week (and on DVR) to their wedding vows.
Even though their 12th anniversary was coming up in May, Angi was feeling inspired and decided that renewing her vows with Jay the Straight needed to happen on this day. The idea here was that if she had to sit through one more week of Jay the Straight watching old episodes of wrestling in his underwear, she might have ended up filing divorce papers instead. Getting Jay the Straight to agree to the addendum to their vows took some work on Angi's part but at the end of the day, all Jay the Straight knew was suffering anyway so what was one more weight on the proverbial bar. After getting together as many guests as possible who would willingly show up short notice, Angi squeezed into her old wedding dress and made her way to the church. For being thrown together in less than 24 hours, the ceremony actually turned out to be quite beautiful. As they spoke their vows to one another, everyone was in tears, especially Jay the Straight. Those soaked faces included heavy hitters like Conrad Cooper, Todd the Taint and Skanky McStinkface, Jay the Straight's former girlfriend who had quite the vendetta against Angi. Before Angi could notice the nasty hoe though, Skanky was standing next to them at the altar. Once it registered that she was there, Angi was ready for a catfight but Skanky threw the first punch by picking up the unity candle and throwing it at Angi. Within seconds Angi was completely ablaze, running around the church on fire while Skanky laughed at her. All the while, Jay the Straight wiped the sweat off his brow and fired up Peacock on his phone to watch Wrestlemania 3. Though someone probably should have thrown holy water on Angi, everyone assumed that too would have lit her ablaze and so she ended up charred to a crisp in the aisle of the church. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted to pretend to be a Cubs fan so she could party
Choice: Fernando had Angi decide to go to the Cubby Bear to party.
It was Opening Day and Angi was glad that baseball was finally back (because this was a precursor to the start of day drinking in the heat.) To celebrate the arrival of the new baseball season, Angi decided to go to a bar and mingle with fellow fans of the ball. The thing was, the White Sox weren't playing at home so she would instead need to go and blend in with the Cubs fans. Like a majestic gazelle in a sea of hungry lions, Angi decided to take her chances so she could get her drank on. After fetching an Uber, Angi made her way into The Cubby Bear which was already packed to the brim with drunk fans even though the game wouldn't start for another three hours. As soon as she was inside, Angi became one of the fans and everyone was in love with her. They had no idea that she was actually known White Sox fan Angi Taylor and looked at her as just another drunk in the bar on a Thursday morning. Standing near the bar, the drinks flowed heavily as rowdy idiots yelled at the top of their lungs. She was handed a couple of fingers, a few Old Style, a few Steveweisers, some pot, a tab of acid and a massive bag of Molly. While Angi drank and did drugs, the idiots around her discussed the players on the teams. Angi agreed and nodded the best she could, as she had no idea who any of the players were. It seemed things were going to be fine but suddenly Clark, the Cubs mascot rolled in with a bat under his arm. As all mascots seem to be drawn to Angi, he slid on over to her and asked her if she wanted to do a shot. Since Angi was never one to turn one down, she grabbed it and raised it up, which accidentally showed that she was wearing a Moncada jersey under her knock off Cubs shirt that she had bought outside for $4. Enraged at the sight, Clark pulled the bat from under his arm, lined it up with Angi's head and swung with all his might. The blow struck her head clean off and it went flying through the front window, landing on the street where it exploded like Gallagher's watermelon when a car ran over it. (Dead)
Fri: Angi wanted to do a tribute show for a band of fallen heroes
Choice: Caleb had Angi decide to join Lynyrd Skynyrd to pay tribute to the 28 fallen members.
With Angi, once an idea is planted in her head, it's hard to keep her from acting on it. After finding out that yet another member of LFO had died, Angi felt compelled to pay tribute to fallen band members. Obviously, instead of waiting, Angi flew out to the next show the band was scheduled to do because this was an important goal that she would be bored of and forget if she didn't do it immediately. That show happened to be in Missouri so Angi boarded a plane, flew on down and made her way to the backstage area using her radio personality credentials. After sweet talking her way past security, Angi found the guy who was now doing vocals for the band. She hadn't had a chance to figure out his name but it really didn't matter because he would probably be dead soon enough and that was the job she was gunning for. After announcing her arrival, Angi asked if she could sing "Sweet Home Alabama." The crowd was not too impressed with a woman being on vocals and more so because she happened to be humming along since she didn't know the words. Again, none of this really mattered because by this point, each instrument in the band had been played by at least three different people so the crowd just assumed that she was yet another replacement. However, even though the crowd seemed unimpressed with Angi, the band absolutely loved her. In fact, they wanted to sign her on to become their permanent lead singer. A contract was produced and Angi signed on the dotted line. It was official, she was a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd. However, the moment the ink dried, Angi felt very strange as her heart started beating fast. It seemed that the curse had been passed from the current singer to her and as she lurched forward, Angi collapsed due to a massive heart attack that caused her arteries to explode. (Dead)
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Angi (Streak: 1)
Angi's (repping Vince) Song Choice: "72 Seasons" by Metallica
Abe's (repping Kim) Song Choice: "72 Seasons" by Metallica
Smack Talk Recap:
Abe screwed up who he's playing with. Kim needed to hear "72 Seasons" for a second time today. Angi screwed up who she's playing with. Vince wanted to hear "72 Seasons" for a second time today.
Winner: Angi
10 O' Clock Toast:
People Who Come to Work on Friday.
Apparently, only 10% of people go to work on a Friday. I mean, come on now though, who works on a Monday or a Friday, that's crazy talk. For most people, their work week finishes Thursday afternoon when they leave their work from home to go scuba diving in Australia until they take the red eye home on Monday night.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"They (LFO) ate Chinese food in what 2001 and then they slowly died." - Abe
"Here's an insider tip. If you need to use the bathroom (at Lollapalooza,) leave and go somewhere else." - Abe
"You know it's baseball season cause Taylor is squatting in the White Sox locker room waiting to start her job as the team ball washer. I don't think you're supposed to use your mouth to clean those." - Minn Barb
New Head Roadie Alert! Congrats George - Head Roadie of Preschool Teachers
ReplyForward