This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
Right, today's notes will all be a bit shorter because even though we are doing a show, it's a live show and Hairbanger's Ball is playing along with the roadie interactions. However, I am a trooper and this is an anchor to catch you up on anything you might have missed (assuming we don't put out a podcast for today's show since Angi will be so drunk by 10 A.M.)
There was a discussion of rules in a relationship that came up this morning. Being that it's this show discussing it, it's obviously going to not be normal stuff like putting down the toilet seat or don't feed your partner after midnight. No, we aim high to showcase the strange ones and so here's a few of them that are strange/unique/weird.
* Saying "I love you" mid argument - This feels more like a trick, like you're calling them a hoe 10x in a row but then throw in an "I love you" for diffusion.
* Separate groceries - This is something Abe would totally do but when it was specified that you can't eat the other person's groceries by rule, he backpedaled. It does make sense though because Cathy Tropicana eats healthy and Abe eats like a slob.
* On demand make out sessions - Things like requesting 30 second windows to make out on a whim.
* Living in separate homes - Abe loves this idea and by technical extension, does this already. This idea was made by a couple who bought a duplex so they each had their own living space. Abe suggested just getting a three flat for seperate apartments and one to meet in the middle. Angi is also on board for this as she's about to ask Jay the Straight for seperate bedrooms.
* Never seeing or dealing with each other's families - This seems like something everyone would love.
* When you have a fight, you only fight naked. - Angi isn't on board with this because how can you be mad with someone's junk out. Uncomfortable makes more sense here.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Right then, as we're stupid messy drunk today, it makes sense that these extra notes are going to be about stupid people. First up, apparently there is a hot new trend going on on social media and the gym bros are eating it up (literally.) That's right, gym bros are currently eating dog food for protein. There was one named Hendry who ate some Kibbles n' Bits but couldn't stomach the taste and spit it out. Sure, this is an amazingly stupid trend so we had to know, have Angi and Abe tried it? Abe, as much of a slob as he is, has not eaten dog food. Angi though, of course, has eaten dry dog food once on a dare. She has not eaten cat food though so keep that in mind next time we want to force her to do something stupid.
Finally, in a "they got what they deserved" scenario, a thief was recently crushed to death attempting to steal a catalytic converter off a Prius (which we don't think even has one.) This idiot used a car jack to lift the Prius and while he was under it, the jack slipped and the Prius crushed him to death. Another one was also killed last month when he was trying to steal one that happened to have a sleeping woman in it. She woke up mid theft, drove off and ran him over like one of Gallagher's watermelons. As we have to put our own spin on these things, Abe has had 3 of his stolen but Angi has not. She has however had a friend have hers stolen while she was at Party City (serves her right imo.)
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi won an Oscar during the After Party TV show party
Choice: Mary Jo had Angi decide to thank Jamie Lee Curtis in her acceptance speech.
In another shocking, almost delusional turn of events, Angi was invited to the Oscars (as a seat filler.) Once the show was over though, even though she was supposed to attend the Vanity Fair party with Jamie Lee Curtis, Angi ended up going to something called the After Party. This was a TV show created for all the D list celebrities who somehow were allowed to attend the Oscars and also presented Oscars of their own. After entering the ballroom, which saw the likes of Pauly D, Brandi Glanville and Kate Chastain all in attendance, Angi was pulled aside. It turned out that she was being presented an Oscar for an undetermined reason and they asked her to head straight to the stage. Under a shower of a few claps and coughs, Angi took to the stage and began to thank everyone. She thanked Jamie Lee Curtis off the bat for empowering women of a certain age to be able to win an award for once. As she started talking about her boobs though, the doors swung open and Angela Bassett walked in. "Keep my Oscars name out your f'ing mouth!" she yelled as Angi continued to talk. Angela Bassett continued saying the same thing as she approached the stage, got on it and grabbed the honorary Oscar from Angi. Enraged, she swung the lead statue that was painted gold at Angi. In fact, Angela Bassett was beating the brakes off Angi while the audience checked their phones. Before she finally succumbed to the beating though, Angi said her last words to Angela Bassett "eat the cake...." (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted to give the new Bears players the architectural boat tour.
Choice: Mike had Angi decide to take the players on the Seadog.
Because she was a beacon of the city, Angi was invited to show off the Loop to all the new Bears players. After boarding everyone onto the Seadog, Angi told the captain to shove off. Once they were firmly upon the water, Angi began to give insight into all the buildings. To her left was the Sears Tower, not to ever be called the Willis Tower. Over to the right was the Merchandise Mart. The players were in awe of how much she knew, they were so lucky to have her. Next up was that Frank Lloyd Wright building. Over there, that was the Tribune building. It was like she was finally doing those much demanded gymnastics, bending and pointing every which way she could. As they stopped under a bridge, Angi called out to look ahead and show off Wrigley Field. It was just then though a tour bus stopped above them and from the open windows, Angi could hear the distinct sounds of the Dave Matthews Band. Before she could say anything, the bus repeated history and let loose the floodgates. The boat was immediately covered in poop and human waste, pouring down from the heavens like a shower no one ever wanted. Within minutes, 800 pounds of poop had covered the boat, Angi and the Bears players. Beyond disgusted, the Bears players were all furious and they started to converge on Angi. It seemed like she was about to take another dip in the Chicago River but instead they offered her a letter. It was from upper management and signed by all the players, stating that Angi was forever banned from Bears games at both Soldier Field and Arlington Heights. (Alive)
Wed: Angi was to be knighted by The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Charles
Choice: Nick had Angi decide to be knighted with the Sword of Grayskull.
It seemed that after dying repeatedly and just suffering for the last two plus years, fate had finally smiled down upon Angi. An announcement was leaked to the iHeart staff that The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Charles was coming to Chicago and as a bonus, he would be knighting Angi in studio for all her contributions to the radio world. The day had finally arrived and after rolling out a champagne carpet, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Charles was led into the studio. Abe had left before he came in though because he refused to bow before the "fake royal family." Angi didn't care about Abe in that moment though because she was finally being recognized. The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Charles shambled into the studio and opened up a case containing his knighting sword, which ironically was the Sword of Grayskull. Angi bowed before The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Charles and waited for his limp wrist to lift the sword over her. What she didn't consider was how shaky and unstable he would be, seeing as he had waited like a 100 years to become king. After lifting up the sword, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Charles spoke "I dub thee, Dame Angi Taylor." The sword came down but instead of tapping her shoulder, his weak hand allowed it to fall and it ended up chopping Angi's head off. Even though her severed head was lying in the corner, her body got up and started running around like a chicken (without its head.) Seeing as he was a dignified gentleman, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Charles decided to finish the job. He grabbed the Sword of Grayskull and stabbed the body of Dame Angi Taylor to finish the job. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted to teach her own college course
Choice: Fran (and Izzy) had Angi decide to teach Drinking 101.
Ever since Abe got a course at college to teach, Angi had been itching for a chance to do one as well. It turned out she got her wish when she was approached by Columbia to also come do a class. Given that Abe already had radio handled, Angi decided to come in to teach Drinking 101. The first day of class seemed like it would be a momentous one and Angi really wanted to showcase how much of a drinker she was so she wheeled in a keg. That's right, lesson one was due to be a keg stand and Angi volunteered to go first to show the kids how it was to be done. Obviously, her being 150 years old and in college seemed a bit off but the students seemed to be into it. They lifted her up and that was when Angi's showboating started to kick in. She wanted to seem cool and not old as a cave painting and so she figured she would hold herself up on the keg. At first, it was going quite well until her gimp disgusting t-rex arm suddenly gave out and she fell sideways. As she came down though, Angi's head and neck bounced off the keg, breaking it as she tumbled to the floor. Unphased that their fossil professor was dead, the students continued to drink as they all wanted a passing grade. (Dead)
Fri: Angi wanted to pinch someone for St. Patrick's Day
Choice: Bobby had Angi decide to pinch Billy Corgan.
Seeing as the show was live for St. Patrick's Day, surprises galore were totally meant to happen. As luck would have it, Billy Corgan showed up for the drunken festivities but he had refused to wear green as he was known for always being draped in black. Angi had been drinking though and happened to notice Billy out in the crowd of people so she made a bee line for Billy. "You're not wearing green!" she slurred out the best she could and she went to pinch him. At first it was innocent, pinching his wrist and shoulder. However, this was annoying to him and you could see the frustration starting to build on his face. Drunk Angi though, having lost her inhibitions, started to get a bit more sexual with her pinching. She was reaching and grabbing, putting her green nail painted fingers all over Billy and that was what set him off finally. Enraged, Billy turned and grabbed one of the microphones near him and he started beating Angi with it. However, the roadies outnumbered the annoyed lead singer and within seconds they were upon him. The roadies proceeded to beat and tear Billy Corgan apart, throwing his limbs out the door of Cork & Kerry's. For once, someone stood up for Angi and she returned back to her table as it was 30 seconds back to air. (Alive)
Request Wars 2.0
As expected with a live show, hiccups happened and the phones exploded which means Request Wars was postponed until the next show on Monday.
10 O' Clock Toast:
A huge thank you to everyone who showed up to party with us at Cork & Kerry, we love you roadies!
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"A guy was arrested for murdering his wife ... don't clap for that!" - Angi
"I saw Trashbag Taylor out back here at Cork & Kerry's giving lucky blowies to anybody wearing green." - Minn Barb