Photo: Flickr RF
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
It's hump day and I just, I'm tired (but not because of the weather or getting up at 5 A.M.) Today, Abe took us through the ringer on the radio (Angi really needs to dump a bag of Adderall in his coffee) but if you're lucky, you can be taken through the Rock 95.5 ringer at 10 A.M. today. Going back to a few weeks ago (I think, my memory is shoddy by the time mid week hits,) Abe had discussed the idea of starting up a Rock 95.5 fitness class. (Meanwhile, in the second half of this dedicated discussion, Angi & Abe discussed fast food and lamenting losing one of them.) That's right, the King of Mayo and the man of daily sub sandwiches has decided to embrace the fitness craze. In a combination of wanting to prepare for Dry Sandwich January and or the fact that we have multi million dollar studios and workspace that only get used on Tuesday and Thursday, Abe has a plan. For just $15, you can come into our open floors and Abe will teach you yoga and boxing. Now, 10 A.M. on a Wednesday is an odd choice to start these special classes but as I said, on Tuesday and Thursday the billing is filled to the brim with people who are forced to come to work. On Monday we're too hungover to function and on Friday's, we're itching to get out the door so Wednesday it is. However, this is just a soft launch and if it takes off, we will be offering other things. Upcoming options include things like running bases, tag, hide and seek, catch with a football, bocce ball, bowling, bags, grab ass, Michael Stipe dance class, slap and tickle and of course, a wine tasting event with Angi. Angi may be present for some of this stuff but of course, she has a childhood trauma related to not tagging up and so now she avoids things like this. Also part of this soft open is to make sure that the bosses don't see us doing this as Angi & Abe want the money for themselves (plus the whole getting in trouble thing.) However, most of the bosses are off riding horses in North Carolina during the week so we should be in the clear. In the same segment, we took all the hard work accumulated by working out and threw it all away for fast food. Following one of the "one of these has to go" memes that pass around on social media, Angi pressed Abe on which fast food place he'd make vanish. The four given choices were McDonald's, Chick-Fil-A, Wendy's and Starbucks. Abe's choice didn't seem too hard to make, tossing Chick since he rarely goes there. Angi, in a shocker, got rid of McDonald's because she loves Chick and gets it several times a month. As for Abe, he gets Wendy's, McDonald's and Starbucks far too often to be without them so Chick was the obvious choice. Honestly, I'd go Chick as well because it stands out as the one thing I wouldn't miss if it was gone. I roped this into the overall discussion though because I wanted to showcase the balance of this show. We went from talking about getting physically fit and healthy to shoveling slop down our throats in the same breath. For this reason, I have to assume that the Rock 95.5 fitness classes are going to end up in the long book of Abe Kanan Business Ideas That Never Came to Fruition.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
It's kind of hilarious that today is "Hump Day" and yet in the Taylor household, that was the one thing that wasn't happening last night. Even the power of Cialis could not compel Jay the Straight's junk to pummel Angi deep into the night. Now, before we start going into wild speculation on the state of this clearly broken marriage, perhaps we should assume that Jay the Straight's junk is broken. Sure, it works all the other times as a hot 24 year old big titted blond could probably attest to (or so we assume) but last night, it was not having it. Could it have been a faulty pill or maybe Angi's constant nagging finally shut down the factory for good. Either way, we're going to present the facts and try to get to the bottom of why Angi didn't bottom last night. Rewinding backwards (we do that alot on this show it seems) to last year, Angi and Abe were at dinner with a "boss." This boss had surgery and with it, was given a giant bottle of Cialis (she would initially say Viagra but I'm not going to sit here and correct it later for the sake.) The "boss" did not want them and offered them to the pair and Angi gladly took the whole bottle. Fast forward a year and the first "snowstorm" of the year meant Angi had no where to be and suddenly the bottle found it's way back to her. Oddly enough, even without the snow there was no way she was getting off the couch but whatever. Anyway, she told Jay the Straight to pop a Cialis and see where the afternoon/evening take them. However, since the Cialis was given out due to a surgery, Angi assumed it was "extra strength" and suggested Jay the Straight only take a half. After all, if he did the whole thing, he might be at "full attention" for five days. Someone who actually would prefer it to be "full mast" for five days was Abe because Gay Wednesday is a thing now. Back to the half though, on this show we teach you to treat drugs like you've never done them. You don't start with the whole 8 ball or a handle of Jack Daniels, you work your way up from a few lines or a shot to full blown addict. Anyway, back to bone town USA where after taking the half pill at 3 P.M., nothing happened. Bored and annoyed, Angi decided to Google why it was taking so long for the devil's horn to awaken. At the same time she was also trying to be seductive with some heavy petting. Picture by the way a phone in one hand and something else in the other and just consider how sexy that is. Angi would go on to elaborate that the heavy petting was more flirting and not full on hands on the bible. (For those curious, flirting involves neck kissing and like licking his ear.) However, nothing happened and this is not a normal thing as the junk usually works well. Unfortunately, nothing ended up happening at all so they watched a documentary and Angi went to bed disappointed. The assumption though is come today, while Angi is busy swearing on air, Jay the Straight is at work rock solid and watching "CamHamster" in his office. Abe went on to explain that maybe Jay should have snorted it because that's what his drug addict friend used to do. Even better, crush it up and fill the tip with it. Undeterred by the initial failure, Angi intends to crush up a whole pill tonight and throw it at him like it's fairy dust. This ended up with Abe suggesting that he skip the ED meds and move right onto steroids (because clearly small balls work well with broken junk.)
Onto the daily discussion point which today was triggered by Abe (as opposed to Abe triggering everyone as he normally does.) Yesterday, he went to Bari Foods to get his typical lunch mess situation when he ended up running into a girl from college. This girl was thirsty as hell by the way (back in the day) and Abe used it to his advantage. He used to sit next to her and in turn, would copy off her all the time during tests. However, when he let her down gently that he was not interested (because she's a woman,) the tables suddenly turned on him. No longer was she down to let him cheat and instead she was hiding her papers and using a rape whistle any time he tried to copy after that. Back to the run in yesterday, there was a small awkward interaction and that was that, the whole thing was really weird. However, Abe inspired this tale of using your hotness to empower yourself to get what you want. Angi too had a tale (I mean, I honestly could imagine she has hundreds.) This one in particular is one we've heard before, about the time she was on State St. at a red light. She happened to be texting (probably looking to score more Viagra) when a cop on a horse came through and knocked on her window. He yelled at her for texting but luckily for her, she had just had her boob job and the girls were looking ridiculous. To add fun to the whole situation, she was wearing a wife beater because it was "hot outside," aka she knew what she was doing. After looking at her ID (aka tits,) he said that she lived by him and he let her go. In this instance, her giant monster melons got her out of a ticket (and caused a horse the need to be relieved outside the station.) So, what did the roadies do to use their hotness. Ironically (not really, it's Gay Wednesday,) Abe was hoping to hear from guys to see how they got out of stuff. Over to the Request Line we went and we heard from roadie Dawn. She had a queasy cat that was always at the vet. While the vet was easy on the eyes, she wasn't down to clown (so to speak.) However, on one visit, the bill was a bit eye watering and so she lied and said she forgot her wallet. The vet was cool with it, wrote it off but also had to get her info. She knew where it was going, she refused to take the bait and ended up just having to find a new vet. Head Roadie Bob went to a Bulls game back in the day with his wife. Benny the Bull had apparently taken a liking to her and gave her a hug (from which he wouldn't let her go.) Later on in the game, he returned with a ticket to the next game for her. Mind you, she wasn't bothered by the interaction and ended up mentioning that Benny got some good feels in. So basically, he got some and she won a prize and if it happened today he would be sued into oblivion. If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our socials (FB group, Twitter, Instagram) and read up or drop us a comment.
Finally, we all know rockstars are big badasses but guess what, some of them also have completely dorky hobbies. Let's explore some of those and the dorky hobbies of the roadies as well.
James Hetfield (Metallica) - Abe assumed he built tinker toys but he's actually a beekeeper.
Maynard James Keenan (Tool) - Abe assumed he was a wine maker and he is a wine maker.
Dave Mustaine (Megadeth) - Abe said jiu-jitsu but the correct answer is horse breeding.
Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine) - Abe said audio equipment ... no Star Wars ... no Star Trek ... No Magic the Gathering ... no wait, it's D&D. The correct answer is D&D.
Roger Daltry (The Who) Abe said he produces his own milk (and complains about weed smoking) but he's actually into trout farming and fishing.
Rivers Cuomo (Weezer) - Abe assumed Lord of the Rings but it was actually knitting.
Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers) - Abe said basketball but it was actually Chess. (Fun fact, Abe used to play chess all the time with Nick Hexum of 311.)
Bill Wymann (Rolling Stones) - Abe said whittling wood but it was actually metal detecting.
Angi added that she assumes Thom Yorke makes soap and that Michael Stipe likes to cry. Over on the Request Line, Head Roadie Todd called to say that he collects baseball cards. He also told us that Getty Lee collects watches and autographed baseballs. Speaking of dorks with cards, Jay the Straight has 87 albums of basketball cards. Angi said that they're all junk though, just like Abe's. Casper makes cool stuff on his Cricut, which Angi had to explain to the roadies what it is. Though Abe seemed lost, Angi was enamoured with the cool tool.
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Angi (Streak: 3)
Angi's (repping Ron Ron) Song Choice: "Double Vision" by Foreigner
Abe's (repping Ariel) Song Choice: "Waiting for a Girl Like You" by Foreigner
Smack Talk Recap:
Ariel was named after the movie Footloose (allegedly.) Abe has no idea what his song is about (in context of the movie.) More discussion on Footloose ensued. Ron Ron does everything two times. Abe said his song might be chill but it would be nice for the drive to work. Abe also apparently freaks out when his girlfriend sees him eating shirtless.
Winner: Angi
10 O'Clock Toast:
The Goonies.
The house is up for sale atm for a cool $1,600,000. Angi had always assumed it was a soundstage but knowing it's real, we fantasized about her, Abe, me and Walt attempting to reenact the movie.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"I assume anyone we haven't heard from is dead." - Abe
"You (Abe) think the fact that you apply lotion is affecting your sperm count?" - Angi
ReplyForward