Photo: Flickr RF
This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
So for once, Abe came out (snicker) with a topic that was spun into a discussion. The thing is, this topic was completely selfless as Abe has a girlfriend and this is a tip for landing a lady. So what wonderful idea does the giver of the hot cheese machine have for the single men? Well, yesterday when Abe was walking to the elevator, he saw a gaggle of ladies walking by. In this pile, there was one who had caught eye and so he decided to share an Abe Kanan tip because as a taken man, he couldn't pursue this attractive girl. This makes the most sense when they are in a formation of chicks (not sure why but lets run with it) and you can't approach one without the other four hissing at you. What you do is write down your number on a note along with a clever message (I'd prefer to use "u want sum duk?") Then you scurry over and tell the girl you fancy that she dropped that note out of her purse. After making it a safe distance from the chance of getting maced, turn around and give her a look and see if she's looking back (a real A Star Is Born moment right there.) The best that would come from it is she will give you a call (or maybe even prank you for fun.) The worst case would be that she trashes the number (or chases back after you, says "you dropped this" and then maces you.) Angi, who normally hates everything a man does, actually sided with Abe and said that this was a good move. Abe explained though that you always need to have a note ready because it's much less douchey than a business card. If anyone actually takes Abe up on this advice by the way, he wants to hear all about it. Angi pressed Abe for his go to move when he was single but he apparently didn't need one (talk of the Abeaconda spreads over this city like wildfire.) As for Angi, a move she suggested not to do was the one where the guy walked up to her and licked the whole side of her face. Mind you, Ron Jeremy also did this to her and that was how she got covid. With the do and don'ts in mind, let's look at what the roadies had to say. We started with Jessica who called to discuss a guy at a bar who bought her a full meal (a steak and potato) and then told her she looks good. She thought it was creative but he was just not her type (aka he was a donkey.) Phil had business cards made that said "good for one free time" and included his number. A caller whose name I missed (oops) called to talk about how he acted like he was supposed to meet a particular girl and it worked well enough to where they ended up married. Jim was cruising down the street with friends and his now wife pointed at him from another car. They pulled over and talked in the middle of the street." If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our socials (FB group, Twitter, Instagram) and read up or drop us a comment.
Other Stuff from Today's Show:
Middle of the week and we have a hodgepodge, aren't you just thrilled hearing this. So last night was the Gracie awards, which is something about giving women participation trophies to keep them from uprising. Angi assumed that you had to be submitted for it (spoiler: you don't) and so I just assumed this was an excuse for her to yell at Abe. However, this actually turned into a reason for Angi to sulk a bunch because is the non winningest person on the planet. In fact, in her 13 years at iHeart, Angi hasn't even won employee of the quarter. Her excuse seems to be that she's a mouthy bitch who doesn't know when to hold back (her words basically.) Abe tried to console the fact that she's never won employee of quarter by pointing out that once you do win, you make yourself available. Any kind of want or need of the company, boom, you are beholden to them. You become the go to guy for all the shenanigans and stupidity. If they need someone to run into a burning building, you're their go to person. If they need someone to climb the Sears Tower in wooden shoes, guess who they're calling. So not only did Angi lose an award, she also has to move today. If you've been following the money pit saga of the house Angi owns, you would know that she wants to sell it but she first needs to fix the water ruined floors. Since that requires everything to be moved out, Angi needs to stay in a hotel for like two weeks (see this weeks Don't Kill Angi.) She decided to ask Abe if she could stay at his place even though Jay the Straight would get the bed with Abe and she would be forced on the couch. The thing is, she also has her dogs and Abe is allergic to dogs (and cats and women.) The thing though is he would love to get either a hypoallergenic dog or a Devon Rex cat. The problem is a Devon Rex cat costs $2,500 and Abe would rather spend that at the casino. However, if someone was offering one for free (hint hint,) he would gladly take it. Well actually if it's chipped, spayed, neutered and comes with cat litter and food, maybe then he would totally take it.
So as we seemingly talked about all morning (selfish much,) Angi did not win a Gracie yesterday. As we also rambled on about, Angi never wins anything but does it really matter. No one watches that crap and who needs a trophy (she does clearly because again, all morning.) You know who does win though is Angi's idol Ellen K, who works for iHeart over in California alongside Abe's best friend Hollywood. As a surprise, Ellen K actually called in this morning with her version of Abe aka Hollywood in tow. She discussed the Gracie ceremony and corrected Angi that she hasn't won 20 Gracies but 2. That's of course not counting all the other numerous awards she has cluttering up her studio. This is Angi's hero though and she is also a queen of the radio. In fact, when Angi was coming up as a trailer trash Minnesota girl, she actually wanted to email Ellen K to tell her she looks up to her. Now though they are close friends even though Angi is the queen of woe is me because no trophies have been lobed her way. To make up for this, Ellen and Hollywood are sending Angi an award in the mail. It should arrive by the end of the week and though it would be fun to be surprised of what it would be, Hollywood spoiled the surprise. That's right, she's getting an award for being the best Angi. Apparently this thing is heavy and looks like an Oscar (and if they were smart, they simply just painted a turd gold and sent that.) In the end, the real award is the people they each have. Ellen K has her Hollywood and Angi has her Abe. Meanwhile, I have a "cricket phone and a garbage computer" according to Angi....
Finally, this weekend is going to be one filled with fun (and a day off) as it's Memorial Day (and my birthday on Sunday, of course.) With this all in mind, Angi wanted to inform us about parties or in this case, when to arrive at parties. Let's face it, most people are late when they go to functions because arriving too early makes you a loser. So before we go into what the proper time of arrival is, Angi decided to confer with Abe. When Angi had a party, he was invited and he was timely. His definition of timely is 45 minutes late. This is his go to move as he also did that at the fairly recent work party. Abe actually was pretty close because the actual answer is 38 minutes. The thing is you don't want to be too early nor do you want to be too late. For example, if you're two late, that is just too late. For example, at a dinner party you get to pick your seat but that isn't a normal party so the context of it would be different as food changes everything. For example, when Angi does her Fourth of July party, she starts at 5 and people will show up at 6, 7 and 10. Angi though is nothing like Abe, she shows up on time and always makes sure that she is not late. For this reason, she ends up helping set up, cleaning the dishes at the end of the night but that also means she's been drinking a ton and ends up wearing a lampshade and no pants. So this weekend, either show up 38 minutes late to what you're going to or be there early to help.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 2)
Angi's (repping Darryl) Song Choice: "Women" by Def Leppard
Abe's (repping The Hammer) Song Choice: "Angel" by Aerosmith
Observation:
For whatever reason, we're back to Abe grabbing players with wacky names and picking Aerosmith songs (he doesn't learn.) Angi, on the other hand, broke out something we don't normally hear. There was some vague shade but a kind of crappy Aerosmith song vs. something you rarely hear seems to be an easy to call victory.
Winner: Angi
10 O'Clock Toast:
Female Heroes. Those women who made it so Angi could win an award like Courtney Love, The Kardashians and other upstanding women (cough.)
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"He (Axl Rose) just gives me the small junk vibes." Abe
"He (Axl Rose) gives me the hairy junk vibes." - Angi