Abe

Abe

Abe Kanan was born and raised on the south side of Chicago and grew up hanging out at Metro, Aragon, Riv, and all of Chicago’s music venues, checking...Full Bio

 

Angi Taylor Show Recap with Jay the Gay - 11-29-2021

This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.

Call in Point:

(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)

Ah yes, though it feels too short, we are finally back from a much needed holiday break. The turkey has been carved and I'm going to assume that Abe made a face when pressed to take some (throwback to Abe's discussion of his hatred of turkey.) Seeing as Christmas will essentially arrive tomorrow with the way time moves as we barrel toward the endgame that is the final month of the year, let's pause and reflect on Thanksgiving for a minute. This morning, Angi was seeking to hear all about the weirdness that occurred during the family celebration. For whatever reason she went on to overlook the drunk dancing she was doing on her Instagram stories and lasered her focus on others. For example, she had a friend who had to attend three different Thanksgivings in the same day (I know someone that did this but over the course of the weekend.) Still, she was looking for something juicy like getting your sister in law pregnant but thankfully, Abe gave us something even better. Not since the time I got (extremely) drunk and verbally accosted people about peeing in the shower has a more fun discussion come up. Abe immediately attacked his family dinner by calling everyone at it liars. There was a discussion as to why he spends 47 minutes on the toilet and the effects that come from it. You see, when Abe goes to the bathroom, his legs and feet tend to fall asleep as he loses himself in the bowl. Everyone else at the dinner, aside from cousin Frankie, gave him a weird look (like he had three heads) when he tried to get them to admit that they suffer the same fate. Abe was adamant and convinced though that everyone is lying (because of course they are.) Angi decided to debunk Abe's feet failings by saying that it has never happened to her but then again, she's never sat on the toilet for nearly an hour. I guess this would be a good time to remind that forever suffering show husband Jay the Straight has been dragged countless times because he goes into the bathroom with his phone, laptop and some painting supplies, a printer, even a really interesting book. Perhaps it would have made more sense to explore the topic with him instead. Anyway, Angi is an in and out kinda girl but Abe, he suffers and this probably explains why the bathroom visit is usually 47 minutes. You see, he needs to bring his dead legs and feet back to life in the bathroom. This is done by recreating the Broadway showStompin which he needs to slam his legs onto the ground until they spring to life. This is helped by him grabbing onto the sink and using it to prop his lame legs up so he can finally exit without falling over. If you say this has never happened, you're a liar according to Abe. Not only that, Abe went even further to say that every guy listening has had their feet fallen asleep. After his rant, Angi went on to say her assumption is that all guys are just sitting on Grindr or reading football stats on the toilet. With all this finally gotten through, the phones were finally gotten to. Jamie called and said that she was annoyed that the talk was all football. Like she was bored as grandpa explained that the Bears best quarterback was one from the 60's. Mel's family got into it with her because she invited the babysitter to dinner to handle her three kids after an all day Thanksgiving effort. As for Tom, he got into it with his brother over the family business, something about money being stolen. Gee, that definitely sounds very Angi Tayloresque, I wonder if her sister got a gravy boat upside the head this year?

All the Rest:

Even though I just went over some Thanksgiving shenanigans, we've been gone for a week so clearly there's so much more left to discuss. For example, while on break, Angi apparently gained 5 pounds (all that brown liquor adds up.) As for Abe, he stayed the same weight. Now, this is a good and bad thing because he's not out of control and at his ideal weight but at the same time, he's still a little messy. To keep himself at his ideal weight, he weighs himself every morning. To be prepared for Thanksgiving, he made sure to starve himself so he could balance out all the non turkey food he would be consuming on Thanksgiving. For Abe, he has his three weight stages. There's his ideal weight (70 pounds lighter,) his overweight weight and his absolutely disgusting number. For where he is now, he's accepted his fat number. For Abe, he was at his best in high school and it's been all downhill from there. As for Angi, her ideal number was ten years ago. Back then, she was running turkey trots and Abe was playing football. Now, Angi is nursing a large bottle of alcohol on the couch while dinner bakes and Abe stopped playing after a guy broke his collarbone. Enough on Thanksgiving though, let's get to what else the pair were up to while on vacation. Abe took a quick ride to Milwaukee (which Abe hates) with his girlfriend to go get a burger at a place called Solly's Grille. While there he also took a quick pit stop at the Bronze Fonz to snap a picture. It was lucky that the statue was at the tip of the riverwalk so Abe didn't need to go make an effort to actually see it. After Angi discussed that Milwuakee is pretty, Abe attacked it for being disgusting. Abe explained that there is nothing to do (especially on a Tuesday) and that the only happening place was a TJ Maxx. Mind you, he went to the TJ Maxx to have a 47 minute leg sleep-inducing bathroom break. All and all, the Fonz thing took about five minutes because it was cold and the rest of the time clearly needed to be used in the bathroom. This was the highlight of his vacation time and Angi was quite jealous. Speaking of her, she was in LA, which had been a spot she hadn't hit in about two years. The one thing she came to notice while there is how there are now like four weed dispensaries on each corner. Like there's literally one hundred dispensaries for every four dispensaries. Also littered throughout the city are Bird scooters. You can find them in trash cans, in the middle of the street, hanging from the branches of a tree. The thing is, public transportation there is trash but then again, these scooters are janky handling and look like crap. So if you happen to have one, just feel free to dispose of it in a garbage can or just stuff it in a mailbox, as Angi also sighted during her trip.

Right, with all that out of the way, let's get back to some good old fashioned nonsense. Abe went after Angi this morning because he was mad. You see, Angi is a greeting hog. By this I mean that she loves to sign everything before he does and in turn she steals all the good greetings. This already sounds like an episode ofSeinfeldand I can see myself penning the script for it. Abe is furious because she leaves him absolutely nothing worth saying when she gets done with her ramblings. The problem is that Abe is made of stone and doesn't have an ounce of heart in his body so he can't come up with proper greetings. Angi used this rant as an excuse to discuss the recent passing of Jay the Straight's uncle (RIP good sir) and how they had to send flowers. When ordering them up, the place offered them a sampling of greetings to choose from and work with. They didn't realize that this was an offered feature and Angi also suggested that he could just Google stuff. He was adamant though about really pushing this rage, Angi takes everything from him. When they sent an autographed shirt to John the Stalker (who was getting chemo,) Angi stole all the good stuff to say to him. To quell this rising storm of anger, Angi came up with an idea to hopefully shut Abe up. Angi will allow Abe to go first so he can have the greetings and she'll take the leftovers. He was okay with this but he also wants her to sign the stuff from him because his writing is awful. This shouldn't be an issue, after all she signs from her and Jay the Straight all the time. Abe can just go and steal all the original greetings and Angi will just end up coming up with something better on her own. Right, now that Abe was done playing HR lady from Cincinnati, I guess things are okay again ... probably.

Finally, continuing the theme of things that were done while we were on vacation, Angi brought up binging TV shows. After all, what were you going to do during your time off work then sit on the couch getting drunk and watching shows (not just talking about Angi here, obviously.) Abe used his time to spend a whole day watchingSquid Game. He actually thought that it was really good and the dubbing of it was excellent. Angi decided to derail Abe (because of course she did) by mentioning that Koreans hate it. Finding out that it wasn't as gory as she expected though, it seemed like Angi would waiver and might watch it (she won't.) However, Abe does think that Angi would like it because it reminds him ofThe Hunger Games,The Running ManandThe Most Dangerous Game(all things that Angi hasn't seen.) He did end up suffering from that depression though after finishing it because now that it was over, he had nothing left to binge (he totally has things to watch btw.) As for Angi, she burned through the new season ofSelling Sunset. To help Abe out to understand what it is, it's basically a show about hot chicks in LA selling houses. Abe found th concept of it to be horrible and dumb (he's not wrong.) To coax him into wanting to like it, Angi used Jay the Straight as bait to say he enjoyed it because there were hot chicks in it. Remember when Abe had nothing left to watch, well there wasPeaky Blindersbut he was busy going to Milwaukee and thinking of excuses to get out of going to birthday parties. As for the roadies, Chris rewatched the entirety ofThe Sopranos. Jen finally got around to watchingThe Wireafter being told about it repeatedly. Kyle really got into the new season of theMasters of the Universereboot. It's supposed to be amazing and Abe was considering getting it because he loved the old one as a kid. As for myself, I spent a day in the tunnel of vacation sitting down and digging into the third season ofSlasher(which is a great horror-tinged series.)

Request Wars 2.0:

Champion: Angi (Streak: 1)

Angi's (repping Jeremy) Song Choice: "Shimmer"

Abe's (repping Kayla) Song Choice: "Don't Tell Me (What Love Can Do)"

Observation:

So today was all about serving up some after Thanksgiving goodness. For Abe's player Kayla, she offered spaghetti sauce to homeless people and a Van Halen track. Jeremy, on the other hand, gave homeless people turkeys and a Fuel track. Well, this should be an easy win for Abe imo.

Winner: Abe

10 o'Clock Toast:

Thanksgiving Leftovers. Today is the last day you technically should be eating that 13 pounds of turkey sitting in the fridge though honestly you'd rather just order a pizza.

Show Quotes and Tidbits:

"Yeah, that's right, you're (Angi) known for being a lady." - Abe