If you’re not spending your weekend taking a browse through Etsy, you’re missing out on all manner of hand-crafted delights.
And, of course, Etsy is home to the one item of clothing you’ve likely been searching for for the entirety of your human existence: A straw cowboy hat with a knitted penis attached on the brim.
Crafted by badjamminmammie, who also makes such items as a plush frog with a knitted penis, a Santa with a knitted penis, and slippers with knitted penises on the toe (are you sensing a theme here, yet?), the cowboy hat is described as the ideal headwear for occasions ranging from a bachelorette party to a penis pride march.
We’d also recommend it for interviews, plans with the grandparents, and the theatre.
The hat is also customisable. While, sadly, you can not alter the penis itself in terms of skintone or size, you can choose whether the complementary feathers and ribbons are black and white or animal print.
It’s only £15 (plus shipping), which is a bloody bargain considering how many wears you’ll get out of such a stylish accessory.
If a cowboy hat isn’t quite your speed though, don’t panic. The same Etsy-er also sells…
And penis sunhats!
Penis safari hats!
And the ever-classic penis fedora!
If you’re not a hat person, we’d recommend the penises in mugs, or you can take a look at the entire phallic collection on Etsy.
What a wonderful time in which we live.